The day the world crashed down.

I've now been in the hospital for 21 days. We thought we were having a great pregnancy. Everything was going smoothly until about 3 weeks ago when at a doctor's visit I had higher than normal blood pressure. The doctor told me to take it easy for the next few weeks, and that it was probably nothing to worry about. A few days later I had a massive headache that was different than all of the others that I usually have. I called the doctor and he ordered some tests and set up an appointment with a specialist a few days later. He said it was just to get a second opinion and not to worry. I even thought about driving myself but decided it would be more fun for Adam to be there too. Turns out it was a good choice because the specialist told us to go straight to the hospital and check in. We had to come up to SLC to a hospital equipped with a special NICU. He told us there was a chance we would have to deliver the baby that day. That was when I was only 27 weeks along (a full term baby is 40 weeks).

We are playing a terrible waiting game. I have severe preeclampsia, which means that my body is basically rejecting the baby. As the disease progresses, various organs will start to shut down. Kidneys are not doing so well and eventually it will start effecting my liver and blood platelets. There is a concern that my brain is swelling and causing my headaches to get worse. It would be best for me to deliver now, but it is best for baby girl to give her as much time as possible. She will come early; it is just a matter of how long the doctor’s think I can last without incurring long term damage to my body. I take about 10 pills and stay in bed about 23 hours a day. That is tough for me. I chose to major in Geology the day that I found out that every class required a field trip. Today the doctor approved wheel chair rides up to 15 min. a day depending on how my blood pressure is. I’m pretty sure that prisoners get more time than that.

I pretty much hate the hospital. There is no privacy. Random people walk in all day long and all want to know the details of my medical condition and bodily functions. It is impossible to get any amount of sleep. I have no control over anything that happens. I’ve never felt so helpless or confined. And the food is pretty nasty.

There have been bright spots. First and foremost we have made it to 30 weeks! Baby girl seems to be completely oblivious to any problems that I am having and has gained an entire pound since we have been here. She is 3 lbs and 8 oz as of yesterday. She is monitored for half an hour every day and every time the nurse reports that she is incredible active and healthy. As soon as they hook up the monitors she starts to perform! They keep telling me that all of this bed rest will be appreciated when she gets here because she is going to be quite the lively child. My family has been awesome and has come to see me every day. The food they have brought has been a life saver. Friends and family have come to visit and called that has been sooooooo appreciated. Lots of delicious goodies and surprises have arrived at the hospital and I’ve loved them all. The spirit has been almost a constant companion and I have felt much comfort and the prayers and fasts that have been issued in our behalf. We feel grateful that we have survived this long (and mom is grateful that I haven’t repelled out the window).

Cute dress that Cassi picked out for baby girl.Baby bracelet that Nicole made. It is so tiny! I added the pen for scale.Plaque that Grandma brought for me. I'm not sure how to rotate it.

I’ve feel especially grateful for Adam. He is my rock. Everything is just better when he is here. Last Saturday they decided to do an MRI to make sure that my brain wasn’t swelling. The MRI is the little tiny tube. I didn’t realize how tiny the tube was until they pushed me into it. The world closed in on me and I immediately started screaming and kicking as they were obviously burying me alive. (Did you know I was extremely claustrophobic?) He technician pulled me out and called for the nurse to come get me as I obviously wasn’t going to be able to handle it. Once I calmed down a little I asked if Adam could come in and hold my leg while they did the scan, because I knew I would be able to handle it if he was there. And I did. I survived the 30 min scan. I sobbed for a good half an hour after, but I did it! Together we can do it.